Mid-life style; does it exist?

Recently I heard about a young woman in her twenties criticising an older woman’s personal style, telling her that she was dressing too young for her age and that she should dress more appropriately. The woman being criticised was in her fifties. And my understanding is that this occurred on more than one occasion. I don’t know anything about the cultural background of either woman but to say I was horrified is an understatement; I was absolutely outraged!

Firstly, the tactless approach of the younger woman is unkind and her attitude exposes her lack of inclusiveness and compassion, her disrespect and her inexperience. I referred to this event on both my Instagram and Facebook accounts and was interested to read people’s different reactions.

One reader observed that the anecdote shows the difference between a mature woman who is confident in their body and personal style and the younger person who may have been projecting insecurity around her own sense of self or self esteem. Another reader commented that mature women, having achieved and experienced so much by this stage in their lives, have earned the right to dress as they like. Still another exclaimed that we shouldn’t have to become conservative as we age (more on this later!).

One of the things the younger woman objected to the older woman wearing was long boots. As someone who grew up surrounded by women wearing long boots, I have never thought of them as in any way, radical. The objection astonished me, as long boots provide coverage and surely, as such, would be perceived as more modest than any other footwear? Very often when older women are criticised for not ‘dressing their age’ it is because they are exposing more of their body than might be expected. But that is not the case here. Important note here: I do NOT accept this criticism!

I do however, agree with the reader who said a mature woman has the right to dress however she likes. If we have insight and continue to evolve as we age, we naturally understand more about ourselves and we have a sharper awareness of what we like and what we stand for. So as older women, we have the confidence to express that. One of the ways we demonstrate that is through what we wear.

Our personality, character and values can be read through our outfits if we know how. Natural fibres, ethical designers, frills or minimalism, trends or classics, modesty or elements of sub-cultures, even the time and attention we give over to grooming (or not!) all reveal things about us. If we’re fortunate we may find more opportunity to express ourselves through clothing as we age as there are fewer constraints on us, and as mature women, why shouldn’t we?

These days almost anything goes, in terms of fashion. We can wear an A-line mini skirt one day, a bohemian maxi dress the next and a mid-length pencil skirt after that. The specific items we wear now are irrelevant (which is why I don’t write on the ‘5 must-haves for this year’ type of thing). Instead, it’s all about the way we choose to style a piece. 

For example, we could each own the same high-waisted straight legged jeans and style them differently according to our personality or lifestyle. You might choose to wear the jeans with a silk shirt, heels and your most expensive jewellery. I might prefer block heeled ankle boots, a t-shirt and a vintage velvet jacket. Someone else might choose a chunky knit, runners and a trench coat. 

Which of these outfits is the more appropriate choice for the older woman? I say none of them. But I also say; all of them! It depends on the woman, her lifestyle and the situation. Of more importance is a person’s comfort level and confidence. Guaranteed, if you don’t feel right in something, it won’t look right. If you feel right, you carry yourself completely differently and forget about your clothes altogether. If you are an older woman, you have earned your right to be proud, be respected and wear what you like. I celebrate self expression.

Thanks goodness we are seeing mature women ‘having a moment’. Finally we are seeing older women on the runway and mature women advertising more than just household cleaning products. They are reading the news, heading up large organisations and forming governments. As an older woman myself, my hope is that this will simply continue and that remarks such as “dress your age” will be relegated to the past. I, for one, will not be content to vanish into a background of beige!

It wasn’t long ago that our mainstream media featured men of any age and women too, but only if they were young. Occasionally we might see a demure elderly woman, a grandmother type, but never a middle-aged woman unless she portrayed a housewife. Note, house ’wife’; the connection to a man was always present. Once upon a time, after marriage and babies, western women were expected (by men) to fade into the background. They played no further role in society once they had provided the children and their bland, conservative clothes expressed this sentiment perfectly; nothing to see here! 

But fortunately this has mostly changed. Misogyny is on the decline, or at least being called out, and older women express their multifaceted identities just as older men always have. Women may have had children but they refuse to vanish after a certain age. They may continue careers and have families simultaneously or they might embark on exciting and important things for the community post-children or instead of children. But one thing we know for sure is that women don’t stop being sexual and sensual, great thinkers, lots of fun or thoroughly fascinating. 

So why should the clothes of mature women not reflect the myriad roles we play in society or simply the mood we’re in? Too young, too immodest, too sexy, too bold, too fun? Forget it! Regardless of your taste, fashion should always be enjoyable and an expression of self.

I can advise you on what works for your body shape and colouring but as well as that, I can work with you to uncover a sense of style that showcases the woman you are. I have large, mid size and bite size options for doing this. Could be a good lockdown project..?

The incredibly stylish Shona Grant and me, twinning in our Nevada Duffy dresses (and goodness, one of us is wearing long boots!) We’re being photographed by the designer herself.